I don’t know when it started, but at some point, we all began meeting strangers through screens. It’s normal now — you talk for days, maybe weeks, and it almost feels like you know them. Until you realize, if you’re honest, that you don’t know them at all. And that’s a strange thought to sit with, isn’t it?
I learned that lesson the slow way. A friend once met someone online — seemed like a great guy, funny, emotionally present, said all the right things. But when it came time to meet in person, he had excuse after excuse. First his camera didn’t work. Then he said his phone broke. Eventually, she dug a little deeper. His name wasn’t even real. She wasn’t catfished in the dramatic sense — no fake model photos or stolen identities — but the betrayal still stung. It made me realize something simple but important: verifying someone’s identity isn’t about mistrust, it’s about self-respect.
Why It Matters More Than Ever
Most of us live online now. We meet, work, and even fall in love through pixels. And that’s fine — beautiful, even — but it comes with risk. According to Pew Research, nearly half of online daters think people regularly lie in their profiles. I’d guess the other half just haven’t found out yet.
It’s not just lying about age or height either. The FBI keeps a whole page about “romance scams.” People lose real money, real security, sometimes even their safety. There was a story out of Connecticut where police reported multiple carjackings tied to dating apps (CT Insider). You match, you chat, you meet — and you don’t go home with your car. That’s not paranoia talking. That’s just the world we’re in.
How You Actually Verify Someone
I don’t like lists for things like this, because life doesn’t happen in neat steps. But there are patterns — things that feel right when you’re being careful. If someone feels real, start small. Ask for a video chat. A quick “Hey, let’s say hi before we meet” kind of thing. Real people don’t mind being real. You can feel it in their eyes, even through the phone.
If they dodge that — the camera’s broken, they’re shy, they have bad Wi-Fi — that’s not shyness, it’s strategy. Don’t overthink it. It’s information.
Sometimes I’ll ask for something light, like “Send me a photo with your coffee today.” Nothing intense. Just enough to know it’s really them. You’d be surprised how a simple request like that can cut through a whole layer of illusion. Scammers hate real time.
The Gut Check
And if you still feel uneasy, that’s your gut talking. Listen to it. It’s a skill most of us unlearn trying to be polite. But safety doesn’t have to mean fear. It just means staying grounded when your emotions want to run ahead of reality.
What About Social Media?
Social media used to help. It still can, but it’s not as reliable as it once was. There are entire fake networks now — profiles that look real, with pictures, comments, even friend interactions that are AI-generated. So instead of looking at how many posts they have, look at *how they show up.* Do their captions sound consistent? Are the photos tied to a real life — birthdays, holidays, messy rooms — or are they perfectly curated? Real lives have bad lighting. Always.
You can use reverse image tools like TinEye or Google’s image search if you want to double-check photos. It’s not about paranoia; it’s about peace of mind. I once saw a case study where someone found their “boyfriend” using a model’s headshots that showed up on ten other accounts. That one search saved months of heartbreak.
When It’s More Serious
If you’re hiring someone, renting to them, or working together, that’s when you should ask for ID. It’s normal. The Federal Trade Commission even says verifying identity is standard practice in legitimate business interactions. If someone reacts defensively to that — that’s your answer right there.
But be respectful. Frame it as mutual safety: “Let’s make sure we both feel comfortable.” It’s disarming because it’s honest. You’re not interrogating; you’re protecting both of you.
Staying Grounded When You Meet
Even after you’ve checked what you can, don’t let the excitement override common sense. Meet somewhere public. Tell someone where you’re going. I’ve made it a habit to text a friend before first meetings — not because I expect something bad, but because life’s unpredictable. Pew Research found more than half of online daters worry about safety, but only a small number take real steps. A simple message saying, “Hey, here’s who I’m meeting, here’s where” — that’s not overthinking it. That’s just maturity.
When Things Still Go Wrong
And sometimes, despite all that, people still get hurt. Emotionally more than physically. I think what breaks us most isn’t the lie itself, but how easily we believed it. A woman once told me, “It felt like grieving someone who never existed.” That sentence stuck with me. Because she’s right — trust, once broken like that, changes how you see people for a while.
But healing that part of you starts with small, smart acts of self-protection. You rebuild your sense of safety one good decision at a time.
What It Really Comes Down To
At the end of all this, verifying someone’s identity isn’t about losing faith in humanity. It’s about making room for genuine connection in a world full of illusions. You’re not building walls. You’re building filters. The right people will understand that — and they’ll respect you more for it.
If you want to dig deeper, the FTC’s online dating scam guide and the FBI’s safety resources are both worth bookmarking. Not to live in fear — just to stay awake in a world that blurs the line between real and pretend more every year.
